Why did I join? Why have I decided to sacrifice 2 years of my life? What has driven me to pursue this? Why did I go through an 18-month application process? What drove me to quit my job, leave my friends, leave my family, end relationships, sell my car, get rid of most of my possessions, pack a bag, and move across the world to a place I don’t speak the language, understand the customs, or know exactly what im doing. The last few days have been a relentless mental search for this answer. Now I know maybe I should have decided this before I left Orlando, but that’s not how it happened. I did have reasons for all of it. And now that im here, have those reasons changed. Because wanting to do the Peace Corps and actually joining and going for 2 years are two very separate things, with two very separate motivations.
I think while applying, the reasons were to get an experience that you can’t really get anywhere else. I also didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, so why not? Maybe after the 2 years, there will be a giant blinking sign of where I am supposed to go and what I want to do. I was expecting that sign after college, didn’t happen. Now maybe it will happen after all this. But still, that doesn’t explain why I couldn’t just find a job I liked and stuck with it.
I went to 3 different colleges in 3 years. After high school, moved to NC, that first summer in college, moved to ATL, moved back to NC to a new city and new college, moved back to FL to Titusville first, after that moved to Orlando for school. So in 4 years the longest I was in one place was about 15 months. I think maybe I was feeling that urge to move again, do something, and go somewhere. So I applied my last semester in college. After I graduated college, I found an internship that turned into a full-time job. I stayed there while I was going through the rest of the application process. All this was setting up this large decision to join the Peace Corps.
I think the reasons as to why you join the Peace Corps and why you stay in the Peace Corps for the full two years differ. And they are different for everyone. Some are placed in a region or job that they can really make some difference in, some just think living in another country is enough, and not really accomplishing much is fine with them.
Now the reasons for why I want to be here are a mixture of a lot of things. I have always kind of looked for something. Maybe that’s why I changed schools so many times. I don’t really know what I am looking for, but I know I wasn’t gonna find it where I was. So I think part of me wanted to go look for it in a far away place. Not sure what that is, but its almost like there is something out there I am supposed to find, and im not gonna sit home and wait for it, im gonna go looking for it. Could be an ideal. Could be a person. Could be a cause. Could just be the experience of looking through my eyes in a new place. But whatever it is, that’s why I am here. I also want to see things no American has seen. I want to be the first draft of eyes to look upon something, and then refine and retune what it is for other eyes to see, or maybe read right here. I want to help and show a different way of doing things, but more so I want to be taught a different way of doing things.
Today marks 3 months into this 27-month journey in Armenia. I am still looking and searching for my place here, what I am going to do and how it can affect me. And I am writing about it in hopes to influence or inform one person.
“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
Alex,
ReplyDeleteThat was awesome, I am glad to hear all the back ground about how you got to where you are at. Even here in Slovenia I get asked "why would an American come here???" I try to explain it but it is mostly to help make a difference in someone's life and have my life changed to. You were able to express it so well.
I was in language school this last week with 3 other adults; one from Ukrain, one from Kosov, and the 19 year old university student from Afaganistan. I was much more interested in how he got here of all places and his response was similar to yours. He is so foreign to anyone you would find here and impressed me greatly, eventually he wants to go back to his nation and village and make a difference to. I told him about you and he was encouraged due to the fact that an American would do this... He told me he almost sees himself as an ambassordor to change the worlds perception of his people and you must be like the same because the news doesn't show the average person who really cares and just wants to do something, be happy, have a family and just live life without conflict.
Well enough said, don't forget you are always welcome to come our way to Slovenia for holidays any time just to see something different since your so close. We will be praying for you and if you ever need anything just let us know. I can get things from America at the base so let me know if your craving anything, its usually something random for most missionaries here like ranch dressing or velvita cheese, go figure... Blessing Stella
Thanks for your posts. They remind me of the times I had while a PCV in Armenia. My wife and I lived in Alaverdi and were part of the A12 group. I taught Environmental Education and my wife was a TEFL volunteer.
ReplyDeleteWe had a lot of times of asking ourselves why we were in Armenia and where is our place. It will happen, even if you figure out after you leave the country.
If you're interested you can read about experience on at www.brettandlaura.com.